Last to posts wins....

On his birthday, Chuck Norris blows out his candles by blinking

Chuck Norris has a beautiful singing voice. Unfortunately, the sound of it would melt the average human brain.

Chuck Norris clips his toenails with a chain saw. But he holds it backwards

Camels have a hump because Chuck Norris needed a place to store his kills.

If Chuck Norris were a ballet dancer, he’d strangle you gracefully with his tutu. And then himself.


Chuck Norris graduated from school with a degree in Chuck Norris.

Our founding fathers originally decreed a strict separation between Chuck Norris and state. Chuck Norris eliminated them.

Chuck Norris has a beautiful singing voice. Unfortunately, the sound of it would melt the average human brain.

Chuck Norris likes his coffee like he likes his women: ground up, packed in a burlap sack, and thrown over the back of a donkey.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.

chuck norris once wrestled four bears at one time with his bare hands. why? because they asked for his autograph



Remember when the stock market crashed….That's because Chuck norris round house kicked it!



If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, “Two seconds till.” but before you can ask “Two seconds to what?” he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

chuck norris invented my space to find people he hasent round house kicked in the face yet

A horse once bucked Chuck Norris, he simply looked at the horse, and it turned itself to glue, bottled itself, stocked itself in the nearest hobbie store

Space is exapanding in its worthless attempt to escape Chuck Norris

To save money on executions, the State of Texas is considering death by Chuck Norris instead of lethal injection.

Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong and Tupac Shakur to a “Who has lost more testicles” contest. Chuck Norris won by 3

Before invading Iraq, the US government considered sending in Chuck Norris solo, but they didn’t want to get accused of committing crimes against humanity.

Chuck Norris doesn’t pay for anything. Instead, he hands cashiers a note that says “I’ll kill your children and use their corpses as ventriloquist dolls.”

Chuck Norris’ stock trades publicly on NASDAQ under the name “Chuck Norris, LTD.” His four-digit stock symbol is “PAIN”.

Scientists studying what they believe to be Mozart’s skull now think he was killed by a blow to the head and further testing has proved it was by a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris.

Researchers recently identified Chuck Norris as the largest known prime number, which is only divisible by Chuck Norris and 1.

chuck norris once round house kicked someone so hard that his foot exceeded the speed of light and it went back in time and made emilia erhart crash into the pacific

Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he did not shoot the deputy. He roundhouse kicked the deputy in the face, shattering his spine.

Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with
five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to
limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of
the actors he fights

Never believe someone who says “now I’ve seen everything,” because they haven’t seen a roundhouse to their face from Chuck Norris. If they had, they would be crippled or dead.

Chuck Norris made Arnold Schwartzenegger hide behind his voice coach.

Chuck Norris made Steven Segal cry.

Chuck Norris made Jackie Chan swim back to China.

Chuck Norris made Jean Claude Van Damme hide behind Arnold Schwartzenegger.

Chuck Norris broke Superman's arms.

Chuck Norris made Bruce Willis bald.

Chuck Norris made Mel Gibson apologize to the Jews.

Chuck Norris made Obama keep a promise.

"Chuck Norris made Obama keep a promise."



now that can bee concidered a last post !!!!

no dancing...

WOW! It's been 15 hours since the last post. Figured I'd add a bunch of Chuck Norris facts myself.



Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

When Chuck Norris looks in the mirror nothing appears. There can never be a second Chuck Norris.

When there's a fire, you stop, drop, and roll. When there's a Chuck Norris, you stop, drop, and die.

We don't know if Chuck Norris enjoys a good fight. He's never had one.

Chuck Norris bites the hand that feeds him and eats their entrails.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. A Chuck Norris a day kills.

Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.

When Chuck Norris wants popcorn, he breathes on Nebraska.

Chuck Norris has a vacation home on the sun.

Chuck Norris uses red hot lava to moisturize his skin.

Chuck Norris invented the apple.

Chuck Norris Buillt Mount Everest with a bucket and spade.

Chuck Norris does not age. Every birthday, it's just another year added to his existence, which sucks for you.

Chuck Norris does not have chest hair, he has millions of highly venomous nematocysts. You have virtually no chance of surviving the venomous sting, unless treated immediately. The pain is so excruciating and overwhelming that you would most likely go into shock and collapse a split second before getting hit in the face with a roundhouse kick.

Chuck Norris can chug a gallon of milk and not throw up.

Chuck Norris beat the Sun in a staring contest.

If you get roundhouse kicked in the face by Chuck Norris in your dream, you DIE!

Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin that he built with his bare hands.

Some people get lucky and kill two birds with one stone. Chuck Norris once killed four birds with half a stone. What's that? You say there's no such thing as half a stone? The four dead birds didn't think so either.

P is for Chuck Norris, as is every other letter of the alphabet.

Chuck Norris puts the FUN in Funeral.

Chuck Norris' paradise is war.

Chuck Norris is capable of photosynthesis.

Chuck Norris has never had a surprise birthday party. He can NEVER be surprised. EVER.

Chuck Norris does not love Raymond.

Chuck Norris can lick his own elbows. At the same time.

Chuck Norris can kick start a car.

Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.

Chuck Norris wrote an autobiography....it was just a list of everyone he has killed.

Einstein's original Theory of Relativity was; if Chuck Norris kicks you, your relatives will feel it.

Bigfoot takes pictures of Chuck Norris.

As seen in Sidekicks, Chuck Norris can climb a rope with one hand, and one hand only.

Chuck Norris does not dance. He roundhouse kicks to the beat.

Chuck Norris can MAKE water run uphill.

The moon is actually a comet that was once on course to hit earth... then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it into orbit.

Chuck Norris can strike a match on a bar of soap.

The only reason the color pink still exists is because Chuck Norris is color blind.

Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club.

Chuck Norris isn't afraid of Urban Legends, he is an Urban Legend.

Chuck Norris once played 18 holes of golf using a 12 inch strip of rebar and a sun dried tomato. He shot a 54.

On the Asian market, Chuck Norris' urine is worth $400 per fluid ounce.

See spot. See spot run. See spot get round house kicked in the face by Chuck Norris.

Niagra Falls is the result of one of Chuck's legendary cannon balls.

Chuck Norris sneezes electricity.

Chuck Norris performs colonoscopies on himself.

If you were killed by Chuck Norris, your tombstone would read RIP, ripped into pieces.

Chuck Norris' smile once brought a puppy back to life.

You know he jumped off the Empire State Building this one time and he only sprained his ankle.

Chuck Norris lost both his legs in a car accident....and still managed to walk it off.

Contrary to popular belief the Lottery numbers are not random. They are just the number of people Chuck Norris killed that given day.

The agent of Chuck Norris asked Chuck if he wanted to be in Brokeback Mountain. Chuck Norris' agent has been missing for almost 2 years now. Never ask Chuck Norris to be in a gay cowboy movie.

Chuck Norris IS RIGHT BEHIND YOU.

Chuck Norris understands the ending of 2001: A Space Odyssey.

Chuck Norris belives the hype.

Chuck Norris CAN in fact stop the beat.

When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.

When Chuck Norris picks his nose, he REALLY does find Gold.

Chuck Norris speaks in all caps.

Chuck Norris delivers more male with one thrust of his pelvis than the U.S. Postal Service and the Pony Express have combined for the last 146 years.

Chuck Norris wasn't born with feet, just boots.

Chuck Norris won a pissing contest against a Russian race horse.

When Chuck Norris throws a boomerang, the boomerang does not return because it is scared to come back.

Chuck Norris floats like a butterfly and stings like a tomahawk missile. At mach 3. In the face.

Chuck Norris can dribble a football.

Chuck Norris’ IQ can be expressed simply as a sideways eight

Chuck Norris is a stunt double for Optimus Prime.

Chuck Norris was once asked to repeat himself. The last thing that person ever heard was the wooshing sound of a roundhouse kick.

Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.

Chuck Norris had his tonsels removed with a chainsaw.

Chuck Norris digs graves with a shoe horn.

wow just think in 24 hrs and 1 minute this post will win!!

chuck wants that......

Hmmm i like over compensating.... or not...

Wellll HEELLLOOOO!!

What sunglasses???!?!

I could go on a blind date with either of em!!!! ( i'm not that blind, and have a great sense of smell)

Remember this?

Yep, good one......