NEPA Original Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris doesn't kill two birds with one stone. Chuck Norris kills all birds, with two stones. The ones in his pants.

When chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.

If Chuck Norris wants your opinion, he’ll beat it into you.

Chuck Norris can eat sawdust and *censored* 2x4s

Chuck Norris eats nails and shits rivets

Alantis was a real place until one day they found out Chuck Norris was coming for a visit and they couldnt handle the pressure.

Whenever Arnie says in his movies "I'll be back" it's because he goes to ask Chuck Norris for help.


Chuck Norris buys his Girl Scout cookies from Green Berets

Chuck Norris was actually in Jaws. He played the oxygen tank.

Chuck Norris has the iPhone 5

Charlie Sheen is WINNING... Chuck Norris already won...


Chuck Norris decided 50 years of Micheal Jackson was enough

Chuck Norris can make a train take a dirt road!

There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.



Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic

Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.

[youtube]http://youtu.be/bvmEZiIX3Yg[/youtube]

Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - 3 times.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure...Chuck Norris goes "killing".

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take crap from anybody.

When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead it is just afriad to move

clearly these have already thought of, just the ones i liked the best

Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas to bed.

One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its scientific term: Jupiter.

Not everyone that Chuck Norris is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.