What is a Democrat?

Condensed Western History

For those that don't know about history...... here is a
condensed version.

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of
nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the
mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and
live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were:

1. The invention of beer, and
2. The invention of the wheel.

The wheel was invented to get man to the beer.

These were the foundation of modern civilization and
together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity
into two distinct subgroups:

1. Liberals
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was
the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor
aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans
were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they
just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages
were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to
barbeque at night while they were drinking beer. This was
the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting
learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the
nightly barbeques and doing the sewing, fetching, and
hairdressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal
movement.

Some of these Liberal men eventually evolved into
women. The rest became known as “girlie-men”.

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include
the domestication of cats, the invention of group hugs,
and the concept of democratic voting to decide
how to divide the meat and beer that Conservatives provided.

Over the years, Conservatives came to be symbolized by the
largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the Elephant.
Liberals are appropriately symbolized by the Jackass.

Modern Liberals like imported beer (with lime added),
but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They
like to eat raw fish wrapped in seaweed, but when forced into
eating beef (under loud protest), they demand it well-done.
Quiche, tofu, and hummus are standard liberal fare. Another
interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have
higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social
workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers
in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. It was Liberals
that invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't
fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and
still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game
hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers,
firemen, engineers, medical doctors, police officers, corporate
executives, athletes, and US Marines. Conservatives who
own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for
a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the
producers and decide what to do with the production.
Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than
Americans. That is why most of the Liberals remained in
Europe when Conservatives were coming to America. They
crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a
business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in Western History....... It
should be noted that a Liberal may have a continuing urge to
angrily respond to the above without forwarding.

A Conservative will simply laugh and be so satisfied of the
absolute truth of this Western History that it will be forwarded
immediately to other conservatives and also to Liberals
just to let them know the real version of Western History hasn't
been manipulated.

SMITTY wrote:

tvb wrote:Okay, so we can draw one conclusion thus far - conservatives take stuff written by other people off the intertubes and claim it as their own. So, we can deduce that conservatives are okay with stealing.

Go on, this might actually get interesting.

Where in that post did he state it was his?

The republican is the only form of government which is not eternally at open or secret war with the rights of mankind.

-TJ * Letter to William Hunter (11 March 1790)

Black_And_Blue wrote:

The republican is the only form of government which is not eternally at open or secret war with the rights of mankind.

-TJ * Letter to William Hunter (11 March 1790)