Lost Lady wrote:...every hour I was shaking the grates....
This you should not do. Once you get it going don't shake it, don't prod it, don't even look at it funny.
It's best to leave it alone until you need to add more coal. Most stoves will go 12 hours which is one of the benefits of using coal. Whether yours will or not i do not know but it most likely will. Again the key is patience, what you do now might take half an hour to take affect.... Opening the damper up full blast isn't going to give you an instant large body of fire like wood would. It will take a while to ramp up to full steam but if it does good luck slowing it down.
You seem to have the lighting part tackled... Once you get it lit, you should close the damper so it's just craked open a little and just let it burn (the farther this open the faster it will burn. How much specifically you should have it open really depends on how hot you want it to burn but generally most just keep it barely open.
The hard part is figuring out when you should add coal, I'd give it at least 6 hours before adding more. You should be able to easily get 6 hours out of it. First shake it until you start to see glowing embers fall through the grates, you don't have to remove every piece of ash. Usually 5 or 6 quick jerks on the handle is good but it varies by stove. Restock it with fresh coal, open the damper a bit until the fire is going well then close them off to a crack again. Repeat 6 hours later.
It's alearning process and once you get the hang of it you'll see it's quite easy.