How about a joke thread?

BugsyR wrote:Sorry but this is not a picture of the USS New York.

It is, in fact, the USS San Antonio, LPD 17.

The New York is her sister ship, LPD 21, which used 24 tons of steel from the WTC to fabricate part of the bow. A photo of her is below.

-- MW

Mike Wilson wrote:
It is, in fact, the USS San Antonio, LPD 17.

The New York is her sister ship, LPD 21, which used 24 tons of steel from the WTC to fabricate part of the bow. A photo of her is below.

-- MW

Bravo Zulu Mike!


Back to the Joke Thread....

Here's an old one but still a funny one....

A lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address!!!!
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter.
They planned to stay at the same hotel where they had spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.
Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to co-ordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Orlando, Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his
room, so he decided to send an email to his wife.
However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack.
The widow decided to check her email expecting sympathetic messages from relatives and friends.
After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother lying on the floor and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: October 16, 2005

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in.
I've seen that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Looking forward to seeing you then!!!!
Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. Sure is freaking hot down here!!!!

Nice one Wood...

-- MW

PS - Bugsy, BZ right back at ya...

Posted this in Flame Suit, not sure who saw it, realized it is supposed to be here.

A CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.

So she went to check it out.

She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holysite.

She watched him pray for 45 minutes. When he turned to leave,using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.

'Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your name?'

'Morris Fishbien,' he replied.

'Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall to pray?'
'For about 60years.'

'60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?'

'I pray for peace between Christians, Jews and Muslims.

I pray for all the wars to stop.

I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults, and to love their fellow man.'


'How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?'

'Like I'm talking to a friggin wall'

A blonde goes to the doctor. When he asks her what's ailing her, she presses on her forehead and says, "It hurts when I touch here." Then she touches her knee and says, "It hurts when I touch here." Then she touches her stomach and says, "It hurts when I touch here."

The doctor is alarmed and sends her through an all day battery with several different specialists. After an exhausting day, she brings the girl back to his office.

"Is it serious?" she asks.

"Not really," he replies. "Your finger is broken, you stupid b*tch."

An elderly man on a Moped, pulls up next to a doctor at a street light.

The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, "What kind of car
ya got there, sonny?"

The doctor replies, "A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!"

"That's a lot of money," says the old man. "Why does it cost so much?"

Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the doctor
proudly.

The old man asks, "Mind if I take a look inside?"

No problem," replies the doctor.
So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then,
sitting back on his Moped, he says,
"That's a pretty nice car, all right, but I'll stick with my Moped!"

Just then the light changes, so the doctor decides to show the old man
just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the
speedometer reads 160 mph.

Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be
getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be
And suddenly, WHOOOOSSSHHH - something whips by him going much faster!

What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?" the doctor asks
himself.

He presses harder on the accelerator, and takes the Ferrari up to 250 mph.
Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the Moped!

Amazed that the Moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas and
passes the Moped at 275 mph.
He's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old
man gaining on him AGAIN!

Astounded by the speed of this old guy, he floors the gas pedal and takes
the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph.

Not ten seconds later, he sees the Moped bearing down on him again!
The Ferrari is flat out, and there's nothing he can do!

Suddenly, the Moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the
rear end.
The doctor stops and jumps out, and unbelievably, the old man is still
alive.
He runs up to the banged-up old guy and says, "I'm a doctor - is there
anything I can do for you?"

The old man whispers, "Unhook my suspenders from your side view mirror!"

when it's ok and the right time to say , OH *censored*.

MOAB's (mother of all bomb's) drop this baby from 20,000 feet and you can take out a whole mountain.

science projects you never get to see at the science fair.

and you thought you had a crappy job. things could always be worse.

Investments......

If you had purchased $1,000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49.00 left. With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00. With World Com, you would have had less than $5.00 left.

But if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214.00 in cash.

Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

It's called the 401-Keg.

A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found Americans drink, on the average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.

That means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon.

MakesYou Proud To Be An American!

· The Pope took a couple of days off to visit the mountains of Alaska for some sight-seeing. He was cruising along the campground in the Pope-mobile when there was a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods.

A helpless Democrat, wearing sandals, shorts, a 'Save the Whales' hat, and a 'To Hell with Bush' T-shirt, was screaming while struggling frantically, thrashing around trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10 foot grizzly bear.

As the Pope watched horrified, a group of Republican loggers came racing up. One quickly fired a .44 magnum into the bear's chest. The other two reached up and pulled the bleeding, semiconscious Democrat from the bear's grasp, then using long clubs, the three loggers finished off the bear and two of them threw it onto the bed of their truck while the third tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat.

As they prepared to leave, the Pope summoned them to come over. 'I give you my blessing for your brave actions!' he told them. 'I heard there was a bitter hatred between Republican loggers and Democratic Environmental Activists, but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not true.'

As the Pope drove off, one of the loggers asked his buddies 'Who was that guy?'
'It was the Pope,' another replied. 'He's in direct contact with heaven and has access to all wisdom.'

'Well,' the logger said, 'he may have access to all wisdom but he sure don't know anything about bear hunting! Is the bait holding up, or do we need to go back to Massachusetts and get another one?