How about a joke thread?

Re: How about a joke thread?

PostBy: Sunny Boy On: Tue Jul 26, 2016 4:15 pm

:D

That reminds me of an old Dean Martin joke.

How'd you hurt your hand ?

I was walking home from the bar and someone stepped on my fingers.

Paul
Sunny Boy
 
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Re: How about a joke thread?

PostBy: SWPaDon On: Thu Jul 28, 2016 10:03 am

Talking Parrots

A lady approaches her priest and says, “Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.”

“What do they say?” the priest inquires.

“They only know how to say, ‘Hi, we’re prostitutes. Want to have some fun?'”

“That’s terrible,” the priest exclaims, “but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house, and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship.”

“Thank you!” the woman responds.

The next day, the woman brings her female parrots to the priest’s house. His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots, and the female parrots say, “Hi, we’re prostitutes. Want to have some fun?”

One male parrot looks at the other male parrot and exclaims, “Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!”
SWPaDon
 
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Re: How about a joke thread?

PostBy: franco b On: Thu Jul 28, 2016 10:25 am

If I remember rightly, Voltaire made only one prayer. "That my enemies be made ridiculous". "And God answered that prayer".
franco b
 
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Re: How about a joke thread?

PostBy: SWPaDon On: Thu Jul 28, 2016 11:55 am

I think he also said something about the multitude of books make one ignorant. Funny guy so he was.
SWPaDon
 
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Re: How about a joke thread?

PostBy: coaledsweat On: Mon Aug 22, 2016 6:48 pm

The Louisiana State Police had received numerous reports of illegal cock fighting being held in the area around Abbeville and had sent their famous Detective Boudreaux from Thibodeaux to investigate. Boudreaux promptly began his investigation and then reported to his Commander the next morning.

"Dey is tree main groups involve in dis rooster Fightin", he began.

"Good work! Who are they?" the Commander asked.

Boudreaux replied confidently, "De Texas Aggies, de local Cajuns, and de Demcratic Natnal Char from N'awlins".

Puzzled, the Commander asked, "Now Boudreaux, how did you find all that out in one night?"

"Well," he replied, "I went down and done seen dat rooster fight in person. And I knowed immediately dat dem Aggies was involved when a duck was entered in the fight."

The Commander nodded, "I'll buy that. But what about the others?"

Boudreaux nodded knowingly, "Well, I knowed de Cajuns was involved when sumbody bet on de duck!"

"Ah, I see, I see ... " sighed the sergeant, "And how did you figure the DNC was involved?"

"De duck won!"
coaledsweat
 
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Re: How about a joke thread?

PostBy: waldo lemieux On: Wed Sep 21, 2016 7:39 am

One lovely morning , a pair of MILF'y Muslim moms, Asmara and Ateefa, took their youngsters to the park for some outside time. As they are talking about things , they lost sight of the kids. Suddenly there is a huge explosion nearby. Asmara exclaims "oh my god can you believe that" and Ateefa says "oh I know ," They blow up so fast"
waldo lemieux
 
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Re: How about a joke thread?

PostBy: SWPaDon On: Wed Sep 21, 2016 8:47 am

:up: :clap: toothy
SWPaDon
 
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Re: How about a joke thread?

PostBy: lsayre On: Wed Oct 19, 2016 8:45 pm

Stay with me, as there is humor in this.

As many of you know, one of my hobbies (in addition to coal burning) is the study of earliest Christianities. And I have interest in why no one seems to have heard or cared about Paul until a man named Marcion (the arch-heretic) turned up with 10 of his letters in about 136 to 140 AD, and used them along with what may eventually be recognized as the very first Gospel to write and publish what is on record as the first 'New Testament'.

In 1893 a renowned German Lutheran theologian and prominent church historian named Adolf Von Harnak published his famous book on Marcion, titled "Marcion: The Gospel of the Alien God", thus re-introducing the world to a for the most part completely forgotten "Heretic" for whom Justin (the Martyr) wrote that that in his day (about 150 AD) Marcion's churches rivaled his own (meaning the Proto-Catholic churches). (As an aside, anyone who didn't see eye to eye with the Catholics was labeled a heretic).

Enough for the brief history. Now on to what Adolf Von Harnak said in his famous work on Marcion that makes me (at least) roll on the floor laughing:

"In the 2nd century only one Christian—Marcion—took the trouble to understand Paul, but he misunderstood him."


Harnak's strong late 1800's Lutheran upbringing and beliefs caused him to look back more than 1,700 years at Marcion through 19th century Lutheran colored glasses, and thusly proclaim that the only man who showed any level of interest in Paul during the entire second century (and potentially the first man to have ever heard of him, and perhaps the very author of at least some of the letters in their earliest form) misunderstood him. I find this hilarious.

But Harnak did also eventually state with regard to Marcion (the man who heretically believed that the God that Jesus revealed to mankind as his Father was not the God of the Old Testament and the Jews) that:

“No other religious personality in antiquity after Paul and before Augustine can rival him in significance.
lsayre
 
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