You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch: Corrupt a Wish Foundation

Granted! You now have a 1950's era monstrosity with a postage stamp screen.

I wish I could write a hit song.

Granted, but your song is flat because you were hit by the steamroller.

I wish I was 20 years younger

Granted! Now you have herpes!

I wish I was a trillionaire ...

Granted, you are now George Soros!

I wish I was in the shape I was in 20 years ago!

Granted, you are now more powerful than a locomotive. On the down side, most shapes were already spoken for and the only one left was the Pillsbury Doughboy.
I wish i knew what happened to my Captain and Tenille 8-track collection.

Granted. Your wife is hiding them in case she ever needs evidence of your mental instability.
I wish I could sing like Pavarotti and play the piano like Rubinstein.

Granted. But you are also blind like Bocelli and look so much scarier than Frankenstein that no one ever comes to hear you sing or play... not that you'd see that.

I wish I had someone to do my laundry.

Granted. Mother Theresa will wash it in the Ganges, and you will get typhoid and cowpox from it.

I wish I had a Mercedes Benz sports car.

Granted, make room on your dresser for your new matchbox.

I wish Metallica would play at my Birthday party.

Granted, the party gets out of hand and your new house burns to the ground and your neighbors chase you out of town with pitchforks.

i wish they catch the thief that stole a car from my truck last weekend.

( Watch the houseburning jokes...)

Granted! The thief is caught and jailed. Unfortunately it was an alien that wanted to duplicate our technology so he could give you your own planet!

I wish I could pick a penny stock that jumps 100,000% overnight.

Granted. You picked right but you waited an extra day before buying.

I wish I had a bazooka on my car roof to blast 18-wheelers that cause whiteouts in snowstorms.

Granted

YOUR FIRST SHOT, punctured a full load of fertilizer grade anhydrous ammonia - and you just got to watch your skin melt off- and feel your lungs burn out of your chest

I wish I had more patience for the impatient!

Granted! You've just been turned into a stone statue of the buddha in downtown Taipei.
I wish I had a new F-250.

Granted! Now you have a lemon that makes the Jimmy the most reliable vehicle ever built!

I wish I had a dollar for every *censored* in the statehouse ....... weekly.