once I get past 100 I may have to remove my shoes to keep counting
or apply liberal amounts of
101. Install gate and check valves, but remove the gates and flappers first.
102. Clean the boiler with a tree sprayer. Just pop the flue pipe and spray all that crap down into the combustion chamber. Make sure you leave it there.
103. Install a fresh flounder between the boiler and the boiler jacket. Do this only if you're reasonably sure you're not going to be paid.
104. If you're really sure you're not going to get paid, install a piece of plate glass on top of the chimney. This is for the enjoyment of those who will follow you.
105. Pop every relief valve you come across.
106. Never clean the water side of a boiler after you've installed it.
107. If a relief valve drips, plug it.
108. If the chemical manufacturer tells you to use one can of the stuff, use five.
109. Install a dehumidifier in the duct work of a scorched air system.
110. Seal leaking steam boilers with oatmeal.
111. If you're installing a new relief valve, pipe it to the outdoors where it can discharge, freeze and then blow up the building.
112. Feel free to drop safety relief valves on the concrete floor. They're tough; they can take it.
113. Put a few nickels in the copper tubing before you solder it all together. Make bets with your partner as to where they'll wind up.
114. Install a backflow preventer on every domestic hot water system, but leave out the thermal expansion tank.
115. Make sure the people you hire to answer your phone think they're doing your customers a favor by picking up within the first 25 rings.
116. The people who answer your phone should always ask the customer, "What is this in reference to?" in the most accusing manner possible.
117. If your customers don't know the correct names for the things that are either banging or smoking or leaking in their homes, the people who answer your phone should make them feel like idiots.
118. The people who answer your phone should always say, "Well, how are we supposed to help you if you don't know the proper names of the equipment. Hmmmm?"
119. Never tell your customers about water heater anode rods in water heaters. It's so much better to sell them a new water heater every four years. Screw the environment, we can always get another one.
120. Write, "Joe, whatever you do, don't install it this way!" on the installation instructions, and then leave them where the customer can find them after you're gone.