"Honey, my hip hurts from installing Chinese lead-acid batteries at the Volt factory."
" I gotta go to work at the food stamp printing factory, call Obamacare."
ring ring ring
" You have reached the robotic Obamacare center. Please do not request a live doctor. They are all out of business. Please state your condition or symptom."
" Hip hurts."
"What was that? I didn't get that."
" Did you say torn skirt? Please call your local government clothing center."
" Did you say ' Hungarian Yurt’? Please call your government housing center."
"MY. HIP. HURTS."
"Is there a cottage cheese-like buildup on your taint?"
" Did you say bee sting?"
" Got it. Bee sting. Please apply government baking soda poultice to the afflicted area. At this time, there is no government baking soda poultice available."
" EFFFFFFFF YOOOOUUU!"
" You have been diagnosed with advanced amytrophic lateral sclerosis. Please state your age and socialism security number."
" 29. 123-456-7890"
" We're sorry, you have been denied treatment due to age. Please drop in to any local government drop by center and fill out form DED 1029, permit for dying. Thank you for calling. Click."