I would like to take the time to personally thank each and every one of you for being uninvolved in your kid's lives. Every time one of them drives 100 miles an hour past my house, tries to rob the local jewelry store, or shoots up heroin in your basement while you Facebook, I get a big smile on my face. Every time one of them drops out of school I breath a sigh of relief. Every time you place more attention on your sad, pathetic lives rather then disciplining your child, I pump my fist. You see, your complete and total lack of parenting is keeping a pay check in my bank. Your focus on how you look, your Facebook friends, and your attempts to be "little Johnny's" friend keep food on my table and a roof over my head. You see deadbeat parent, you are J.O.B security. You are assuring that I will always have a job baby sitting the kids you couldn't "handle". Baby sitting the kids you never should have had.
I also have to thank you for providing my kids, and the kids of other responsible parents, with a wealth of opportunity. You see, your lazy child sucks in school, so they aren't competition for my kids when it comes to good colleges. Your lazy kids don't put the time and effort in to make themselves better physically, so my kids have the chance to excel on the sports field and possibly get scholarships and other chances your waste of air will never have. Of course, your kids will live off the government's dime, but since they are just taking up space, my kids can get the jobs that pay them well enough to not be too burdened by the taxes they pay.
So a big THANK YOU goes out to YOU, worthless, deadbeat, friend to your kids parent! Keep buying "little Johnny" those jacked up monster trucks and letting him have keg parties. You provide a service to this great nation!