Wind, sun, water, whale oil, coal... I want some recommendations for cheaply, efficiently, functionally going "OFF GRID" and living like a KING
That is your first problem...wanting to live like a KING off the grid. That is kind of an oxymoron.
Start by reading as much info as you can about Richard Proenneke. Fireplaces put out plenty of heat. There is a difference between the convenience of a comfortable 76 that the coal stove gives you and living off the grid. If it is 0 degrees outside, a fireplace that heats your cabin to 50 would feel like heaven.
Oil lamps work fine. Remember, we are surviving, not thriving. No need to be reading the latest issue of GQ when you are off the grid...
Survivalist Cody Lundin lives completely off the grid in Arizona and survives off of rain water alone. No need for a pump. http://www.codylundin.com/codys_house.html Pretty cool stuff.
Knowing how to do it is important. We enjoy comforts, but they could all be gone tomorrow. Take a class, find like minded people, and read as much as you can about it. Then teach it.