ELECTRICAL THEORY by Joseph Lucas

Found this in a email from a vintage bike list I subscribe to. Pretty funny.

Anyone who's owned a vintage British bike will appreciate this.

Positive ground depends on proper circuit functioning, which is
the transmission of negative ions by retention of the visible
spectral manifestation known as "smoke". Smoke is the thing that makes
electrical circuits work. We know this to be true because every time one
lets the smoke out of an electrical circuit, it stops working. This can be
verified repeatedly through empirical testing.

For example, if one places a copper bar across the terminals of a battery,
prodigious quantities of smoke are liberated and the battery shortly ceases
to function. In addition, if one observes smoke escaping from an electrical
component such as a Lucas voltage regulator, it will also be observed that
the component no longer functions. The logic is elementary and inescapable!

The function of the wiring harness is to conduct the smoke from one device
to another. When the wiring springs a leak and lets all the smoke out of
the system, nothing works afterward.

Starter motors were considered unsuitable for British motorcycles for some
time largely because they consumed large quantities of smoke, requiring
very unsightly large wires.

It has been reported that Lucas electrical components are possibly more
prone to electrical leakage than their Bosch, Japanese or American
counterparts. Experts point out that this is because Lucas is British, and
all things British leak. British engines leak oil, British shock absorbers,
hydraulic forks and disk brake systems leak fluid, British tires leak air
and British Intelligence leaks national defense secrets.

Therefore, it follows that British electrical systems must leak smoke. Once
again, the logic is clear and inescapable.

In conclusion, the basic concept of transmission of electrical energy in
the form of smoke provides a logical explanation of the mysteries of
electrical components especially British units manufactured by Joseph
Lucas, Ltd.

And remember: "A gentleman does not motor about after dark." Joseph Lucas "The Prince of Darkness" 1842-1903.

A few Lucas quips:

The Lucas motto: "Get home before dark."

Lucas is the patent holder for the short circuit.

Lucas - Inventor of the first intermittent wiper.

Lucas - Inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.

The three-position Lucas switch--DIM, FLICKER and OFF. The other three
switch settings--SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE.

The Original Anti-Theft Device - Lucas Electrics.

If Lucas made guns, wars would not start

Back in the 1970's, Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began
manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they offered which
did not suck.

Q: Why do the British drink warm beer? A: Because Lucas makes their
refrigerators.

This has been referred to as the smoke theory when the smoke comes out its
finished, cooked or done for.

Oh so true. I remember the legendary MG electrical systems.

HA! I've heard all about those. Legendary!

That's why they make recharge kits. https://www.google.com/search?q=can+of+smoke&clie ... B318%3B318

Wood'nCoal wrote:Oh so true. I remember the legendary MG electrical systems.

I have one in my AH sprite. I also learned of the 3 position headlamps at night on a back road. I never could understand how they thought those butt connectors would restrain all that smoke

Nice Flyer!

OMG

When I was a freshman at UVM ,( I never say I went to college there ,rather, I resided on campus)
one of my friends had a rather new tr5. I think that was it,any way chick magnet for sure. We'd spend 3 hours tuning up this nearly new wonder so we could drive it downtown for happy hour and we never had to worry about DWI because if we had more than one beer we couldnt figure out how to get the thing started to drive back home!

In my youth I owned 5 Jaguars (all second hand, rusty and useless). They were supposed to be chick magnets but the ladies I met had not read the book. The English had a perfect solution for Lucas electrics it was an aersolised rubber solution that you sprayed over the ignition. It worked perfectly as long as you I did not mind traveling down the road thinking your tires were on fire. However, I still get wet dreams about that 1962 Jaguar E type (3.8) on the M1 motorway that ran from London to Nottingham with no speed limits. The Jags, Aston Martins, Jensens and Porsches would collect Sunday morning at the Staines bypass and race to Nottingham. Too many killed themselves in the ever present fog but what a rush. The police in their Woleseys gave up trying to catch them. What is the point of a 500HP car on 55 MPH roads. Now that type of racing is limited to the Isle of Man and the TT motorcycle races. After the race is finished you can try it yourselves but many die there too. The local govt says too bad and we need a dose of that here.

Most English cars are wired with only black wire.
The thought being that they will all be black sooner
or later, so why make them different colors to start.
If you have a problem with and English car, it's usually
the black wire that's the problem.

I had a couple of Triumph & BSA motorcycles with the split case that leaked enough oil to make the wires smoke. Stop for a long red light & lose traction when you started off. The headlights worked pretty good as I recall.

But I still long for my Vincent Black Shadow that I owned very briefly as my trophy GF wanted a dry van. The main anchor on the titanic weighed less than this bike and at speed my back teeth would rattle. With a side car sprocket this was a rocket (for it's day) but no trouble with electrics. It did nearly break my leg once when I was drunk and kickstarted it. I was very skinny then and had to jump on it to start the damned thing.... that was always exciting.

Love all of this , so true.

I'm enjoying this too!

I have no personal experience with anything British (aside from reading the endless stories about them over the years) ... although I still have a few Whitworth fasteners leftover from my grandfather's parts bin. Now those are some ODD thread pitches & sizes ...

I got to drive a Vincent once & found out real quick it was a bike that deserved it's reputation & respect.

SMITTY wrote:I'm enjoying this too!

I have no personal experience with anything British (aside from reading the endless stories about them over the years) ... although I still have a few Whitworth fasteners leftover from my grandfather's parts bin. Now those are some ODD thread pitches & sizes ...

Whats a Whitworth?