Marty's Bus

Re: Marty's Bus

PostBy: LsFarm On: Sat Jun 28, 2014 9:20 am

Can't wait to hear the rest of the story. Thanks for sharing.

Yep, even 10 years later for my Dad, and 31 years later after my little brother's passing, there STILL are triggers to bring on a damp eye or two.
But, that's how we live on and are loved: remembered by those who we loved.

Greg L
LsFarm
 
Stoker Coal Boiler: Axeman Anderson 260
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Re: Marty's Bus

PostBy: Freddy On: Sat Jun 28, 2014 9:24 am

OK... I guess that was a long introduction to the real reason I wanted to write today. Something occurred while Laura was here that may help others and I want to relay it. It's strange how life's path is unpredictable.

I took Laura to Acadia National Park. She'd never been to Maine & I wanted her to see where the rocks meet the sea. At one point we went to a little fishing village called Bernard. It's the last town out on the far side of the island. We went to the town pier. It's a working harbor. Very few pleasure boats, but lot's of lobster and scallop boats. The parking lot held maybe 35 or 40 vehicles. EVERY one, save the Honda we were driving, was a pick up truck. All of the fishermen filled the lot. It's not really a tourist attraction. At the end of the pier was a large rock with a flat face & flat top. On it is a bronze plaque as an honor and memory for the 143 men and women that have died while fishing there over the 150 years or so that they've been keeping track. A lady was cleaning rocks off the top. Laura had taken a walk around to take pics & I spoke to the woman. The rocks on top were left by friends as a remembrance of the dead. This weekend is a yearly ceremony and once a year they clear the top so new ones can be placed. She said the memorial was Mr. Silverstiens project and as a matter of fact, he was sitting on that bench. She pointed 25 feet away. This old, old man was sitting there. I said good bye to the lady & walked over to Mr Silverstein. " Mr Silverstein! You probably don't remember me, my name is Fred Eich". He looked up "Should I?" I laughed & said "Noooo, we have never met. I don't make it here too often". He chuckled. I said " I am an island boy, born in Bar Harbor". ( the other side of the Island). He asked "Why did you choose to leave the island?" I told him my parents moved when I was 3, but that I came back for 5 years when I was 20. Again he asked "Why would you leave?" I said "Well... divorce, then work drew me away". He asked "Do you know a fisherman that has died?" I said no, I was just visiting. Then he asked (And I don't know why): "Have you lost someone close to you recently?" Good gosh... that hit me like a brick. With tears I said "Yes, my wife of 32 years, just 3 weeks ago today". Then he said "Sit, we need to talk". Speechless, I sat next to him. He said "I am 94 years old. My entire life, my career, and even still, I have been, and am, a grief and grieving councilor". Wow.... is this really happening? He continued: I want to tell you, to maybe guide you, to show you a way to proceed. Grief may be fairly short, or it may take a long time, but, if you allow grief to last the rest of your life, it will destroy you". He went on: " Grief get's replaced by memories. You must work at it to have it occur. One way is the rocks placed on the fisherman's monument. That is a Jewish tradition." I said "Yes, I've been to a Jewish grave yard & all the tombstones have little rocks on them.". He said "Yes, they are placed there as a remembrance.... not for the person that died, they may or may not know we placed the rock, it is for US to remember. The act of placing the rock keys a memory in our brain. When you place the rock I suggest you say something like "I place this rock in memory of you (and say the name of the person that's passed), and then out loud, or maybe to yourself, tell a very short story...even if it's difficult... tell a short story of a happy moment during your marriage. Then a week, a month, a year later, you will think back. You'll remember placing the rock, and, it won't hurt as much. The next time you remember, it will hurt even less. After a while, you'll simply remember the good memory. You are replacing grief with good memories." He asked me if I ever write. I said yes, often to the computer. He said "Good, now, do the same thing. Every now & then, write a short paragraph, even if it brings tears, write of a happy moment. Then a week, month later go back & read it. As time goes on, the pain will be less, you will replace grief with happy memories".

So... I placed a rock, said aloud "I do this in your memory Marty. I remember hiking up to Rocky pond the day that I proposed to you". I cried, then, but only a tiny tear now.... I think Mr Silverstein may be right.

<edit> Here's a photo or two of Bernard. A photo of Mr Silverstein at the memorial, and the lady that was cleaning the memorial. A pic of me & Mr Silverstein. Also, later that day, a photo of Laura with my brother in law in his 1947 MG.
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Last edited by Freddy on Sat Jun 28, 2014 9:46 am, edited 1 time in total.
Freddy
 
Stoker Coal Boiler: Axeman Anderson 130 (pea)
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Re: Marty's Bus

PostBy: lsayre On: Sat Jun 28, 2014 9:36 am

Post for deletion. Wrong thread.
Last edited by lsayre on Sat Jun 28, 2014 10:18 am, edited 1 time in total.
lsayre
 
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Re: Marty's Bus

PostBy: freetown fred On: Sat Jun 28, 2014 9:50 am

Ya can't argue with a 94 yr old Freddy. Me thinks they know a lot of stuff us young'un's are just starting to experience--they been there, done that ;) Nice trip my friend :)
freetown fred
 
Hand Fed Coal Stove: HITZER 50-93
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Re: Marty's Bus

PostBy: Carbon12 On: Sat Jun 28, 2014 9:58 am

It's too soon and I don't know the details but was Laura "sent" to you for a reason??? :)
Carbon12
 
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Re: Marty's Bus

PostBy: windyhill4.2 On: Sat Jun 28, 2014 10:37 am

Well Freddy,Mr. Silverstein is right with his recommendation on the grieving process. My father was killed in a farm accident Sept. 11, 1973,almost 41 yrs. now. It is easier to deal with now ,there are triggers along the way,9/11/2001 anniversary comes at the same time ,reading this thread has triggered the memories & tears,but that is a good thing . Some folks want to block all that "painful" past , for me ,i prefer to remember & cry & then move on to the next trigger whenever it comes. If someone who loves you dies,they would still want you to go on living a happy,fulfilled life,they would not want you to be miserable the rest of your life just because they are no longer with you. Glad to hear of your good vacation time,nothing like that to help clear your life's troubles & motivate you onward in your daily life as you remember the past good times & learn to enjoy the new good times that come your way. Thanks for sharing,many people are too embarrassed to share their personal grieving experiences ,but that can lead to bitterness & all around unhappy time.
windyhill4.2
 
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Re: Marty's Bus

PostBy: Cap On: Sat Jun 28, 2014 5:25 pm

Freddy. That's a great post, Inspirational In a way and great advice from Mr Silverstein. Thanks for sharing!
Cap
 
Hand Fed Coal Boiler: Harman SF 250, domestic hot water loop, heat accumulator

Re: Marty's Bus

PostBy: SWPaDon On: Sat Jun 28, 2014 8:02 pm

Freddy, I want to thank you for the last two posts. I pray your grief gets lesser sooner.

And with your posts, mine may also.



Don
SWPaDon
 
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Re: Marty's Bus

PostBy: 2001Sierra On: Sat Jun 28, 2014 10:14 pm

Lost my Mom of 88 years Tuesday morning. Thank you Freddy for your comments on grief, and what comes with it. It is nice to see someones views on this difficult subject for many. Your thoughts are inspirational. God Bless.
2001Sierra
 
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Re: Marty's Bus

PostBy: michaelanthony On: Sat Jun 28, 2014 10:42 pm

[quote="2001Sierra"]Lost my Mom of 88 years Tuesday morning. Thank you Freddy for your comments on grief, and what comes with it. It is nice to see someones views on this difficult subject for many. Your thoughts are inspirational. God Bless.[/quote]

My deepest condolences Sierra, another Angel with the Big Guy.
michaelanthony
 
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Re: Marty's Bus

PostBy: freetown fred On: Sun Jun 29, 2014 6:48 am

Sorry for your loss S. One more new star up in the night sky.
2001Sierra wrote:Lost my Mom of 88 years Tuesday morning. Thank you Freddy for your comments on grief, and what comes with it. It is nice to see someones views on this difficult subject for many. Your thoughts are inspirational. God Bless.
freetown fred
 
Hand Fed Coal Stove: HITZER 50-93
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Re: Marty's Bus

PostBy: Freddy On: Sun Jun 29, 2014 6:58 am

Sierra... please accept my condolences. May your Mom rest in peace. I'm glad that some of the words on the bus might help you, and others.
Freddy
 
Stoker Coal Boiler: Axeman Anderson 130 (pea)
Hot Air Coal Stoker Stove: Reading piece o' junk in the barn (rice)
Coal Size/Type: Pea size, Superior, deep mined

Re: Marty's Bus

PostBy: LsFarm On: Sun Jun 29, 2014 8:37 am

Thank you Freddy, another wonderful addition to Marty's Bus.
Mr Silverstein sounds like someone to meet. What great advice!

I did not know you were born on the island in Bar Harbor !!

Have a great Sunday, Thanks again for sharing.


Greg L
LsFarm
 
Stoker Coal Boiler: Axeman Anderson 260
Hand Fed Coal Boiler: Self-built 'Big Bertha' SS Boiler
Baseburners & Antiques: Keystone 11, Art Garland

Re: Marty's Bus

PostBy: Hambden Bob On: Sun Jun 29, 2014 8:17 pm

Welcome to the Aftermath,Freddy....Yep,These are the Days that Lay The Foundation for the rest of Your Life. The Bus has served so well at performing many Jobs. This is yet another one. Your Sharing has brought many others on Board. I'm Glad Sierra felt comfortable enough to drop back by and Share his Mom with us. This is unlike any other Board that I've ever participated in. It has been a Privilege :angel:
Hambden Bob
 
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Re: Marty's Bus

PostBy: LsFarm On: Mon Jun 30, 2014 7:15 am

2001 Siera, my condolences, my Mom is 87, still doing well. Her mom made it to 95. I'm hoping for a few more years with at least one parent. Although the roles have switched places. I'm taking care of her, not her for me or the rest of the family. I guess that's her reward for parenting us all those years ago.

Freddy: I wonder what Mr Silverstein would think and say after reading this thread 'Marty's Bus'. ?? I wonder if a print out of the short version could be hand delivered to Mr Silverstein. I'll work on that.

Greg L.
LsFarm
 
Stoker Coal Boiler: Axeman Anderson 260
Hand Fed Coal Boiler: Self-built 'Big Bertha' SS Boiler
Baseburners & Antiques: Keystone 11, Art Garland