OK... I made it through coffee...didn't even cry. It's weird how we humans can compartmentalize grief and get some things done. I've put this off for a week now. We wanted to have empirical proof before we said anything. An X-ray showed it, The Drs said it could be a few different things. A PET scan verified it, the Dr said it wasn't good, but it wasn't proof. Late yesterday we got the results of a surgical biopsy. My wife, my love, my Marty, has lung cancer. <now tears> It's not good, not at all. It's in the worst place possible, right above her heart. That takes surgery off the table. Because of it's size, radiation is also off the table. It is small cell, that's way worse than large cell. The DR said if it had been large cell, it would have been stage 3 or 4, but because it's small cell, they don't even stage it, it's either limited (contained to the lung) or unlimited (spread to other places). The PET shows hot spots in a rib and her spine so it is unlimited. God is calling her name & there is no changing that. It's just a matter of time and what do we do with that time. We have....she has.... simply put, decided to try and live each day as best as we can. We have no desire to go to Hawaii or the Great Wall of China or something. We enjoy simple things and will do just that.... stay home & play cribbage, get excited with a pretty sunrise, walk the dogs and other daily little things. She's giving hard consideration to not having chemo. We have always talked that if we have a choice of living 3 or 4 months and feeling pretty good most of the time, or, living 9 months and feeling like crap all the time, that we'd choose feeling good for a shorter time. Of course, that might change when it's actually happening. Whatever Marty wants, we will do.
She's 63 years old & yes, she's always smoked cigarettes.
Her, our, best friend Eloise will go hand and hand with us through this journey. As a matter of fact, she retired because of this. Eloise is (was) an intensive care cardiac nurse. She said she feared caring for a patient while her mind was someplace else. The fact is, she was scheduled to retire April 15th, so it's not that big a change. She has known Marty 45 years.... 6 years longer than I have.
I've rambled... sorry.
Last edited by Rob R.
on Sat Mar 08, 2014 7:12 am, edited 1 time in total. Reason: Changed heading as per request