2016 ~ A Year of Changes for Us

Dave as a Christian my prayers are with you jack

I'm new here but I am very sorry for your loss of your loving wife your in my family's prayers

My lonely life continues,i have lost 8# since that Feb 27 morning when my wife died.
That is not totally difficult to understand
No more of her good cooking
3/4th of my heart ripped out
Lots of tears shed
Little sleep

Lonely,sad

I hope to have another update b4 this week ends.

Thanks to all for the prayers,kind words,phone calls,pm's & for just caring enough to be here.

The following is a letter I wrote & had our pastor read at Naomi's Celebration of Life service. I will try to do it in paragraphs for the reading challenged among us.
Naomi, I can still remember the first time that I saw you at your church where I had just started attending. I decided that Sunday morning to find out who you were, I was too scared to talk to you so I asked others....... I followed your car home from church that Sunday night,not knowing that you lived on a farm at the end of a dead end road..... You didn't know my car,so you had no idea of who was following you & who it was that did a quick turn-around behind the barn & drove out quickly......I called your house that friday evening to talk to you, I was very scared & nervous. You didn't answer the phone,someone else did & I had to wait a long time till you came to the phone.You were breathless,you had been feeding a calf & ran to take the call. I asked you if I could pick you up that Sunday night to take you to church, Your answer was... " I would be delighted". ..... That was my introduction to your sunshiny personality.... That Sunday night ... May 18, 1975 at your house,after church, we talked a long time. I didn't know how to leave with so many things to talk about..... I finally left at 1a/m & got home to my very upset mother who was about to call the state police to see if they could find me. We never again had our dates go that late because after that we just started our dates after the morning service..... Dinner & supper at your place while getting acquainted with your parents,then to the evening service,back to your place where I generally left by 10p/m.That was our standard date every Sunday.it gave us lots of time together........ I even came to your place on my Saturdays off to help on the farm,repairing Equipment or helping with field work. That gave us more time to at least see each other. ....... You did not hesitate to say yes when in early 1976 I asked if you would marry me.August 7,1976 was the big day that started our life as husband & wife..... God blessed us with 4 living children. Life threw quite a few curve balls at us,you were there to cheer me on thru it all.... There were rare times that I needed to cheer you,as your cheerfulness went everywhere with you,affecting everyone you spoke with.......... Just last yr, 2015,i asked you how we ever got to this point in our lives so quickly. If you had lived until August 7,2016, we would have been married 40 yrs. It sure did not seem that long & I wish you were here yet to cheer me on when things are depressing or not going well...I miss your help with our shop work,i miss your mediation with upset customers,you could easily calm most of them... I miss your cooking so much, I miss just being able to talk with you...... I am very grateful to God for blessing us with these many yrs. together & would not wish you back into this troubled world....You cared for so many stray animals who needed help, you took care of your folks when old age left them needing extra care.We failed to see that the load you carried was too much,God saw how tired you were & called you. Chad says you were reluctant to go & asked God to leave you here longer so you could keep being a caretaker.Now you get that much needed rest while you visit with your father,my parents & those children of ours that we were never able to welcome into this world.....Your leaving has left a big void in my life & in the lives of many,even many children who adopted you as their aunt o-me..Time left on this earth is limited,so I shall see you sometime soon, up there where the flowers never fade,the light never ceases,where we will be able to thank Jesus for all He did in making the way for us to reach that eternal resting place called Heaven. Naomi,thanks again for being such a great part of my life for these 40 short yrs. I love you & miss you so terribly much.

That was very nice, Dave. Thanks for sharing it with us.

If that doesn't cover it,Dave,Nothing will......

Imagine not being able to write that. Imagine not having had the experience of sharing Your Lives Together........

Now is the time to collect Yourself. You've definitely got some things to finish that the two of You had started.

Let's Go,Mister !

Been thru the loss of a wife WH, just to let you know that time truly does help the memories will always be there & for me the fact that I found another that accepts those memories has helped greatly. Not saying the same path will work for all, just saying that life goes on & it will get easier. Best of luck to you on your recovery which it what it is.

That is a beautiful letter Dave, thanks for sharing. Naomi is everything you see, feel, smell, taste, touch, and hear so she lives thru you and yours...time to make her proud. If you were my neighbor you would be gaining weight but the best I can do is recommend you get out the crock pot and let time heal while it cooks for you. I know you can do it so I am sending a link to a starting point. If you have any questions lets have at it and we will all fatten you up! God bless you and Naomi.
http://crockpotladies.com/

MA,what a Crock !

That has to be one of the Best Thoughts to have sent Dave. If You can fix Tractors and Outdoor Equipment,You surely can slice,dice,load and season a Crock-Pot full of goodies to keep You Alive and in Your own Home ! Give this time,Dave.

My Good Friend's(More like an Older Brother that I never had) Wife just lost her Parents....Both of them,within 22 hours of each other. That's an amazing occurrence for a Couple that's been together since the end of WW2. That's also alot of grief for my Buddy's Wife ! Much like You,she'll go through a rough time. What matters is crawling out the other end of the tunnel to live again.

Continue to crawl,Dave,and buy a good Crock-Pot to do it with......

The following video is pics of Naomi,taken thru-out her life,......ALL pics of flowers,garden & garden produce were taken here on our property,.... Most of them by Naomi.

I went thru our pics & selected the ones I wanted,
My son ,Chad put it together on a dvd & added the music for u-tube.

This same dvd played for the total of 6 hours of visitation on March 10 & 11
We had a long playing cd of various songs & music that were favorites of Naomi & myself.

Viewer discretion is advised as the content of this video has made a long lasting impact on my life & emotions.
Viewers are advised that there may be at least a temporary emotional impact from watching.

I can't watch much of it until I am

https://youtu.be/U_xSPhriS5g

That was very nicely put together.

Very nice video David, thanks for sharing

Oh, Dave, the letter you wrote is beautiful & the video a wonderful journey. Thanks for sharing. I like Big Mikes idea about the crockpot. Two things you really gotta do.... keep yourself healthy & go forward. I feed myself enough, but I did start taking a daily vitamin pill. I know I'm not doing this food thing 100% right.

In your letter you mention Naomi visiting with those that went first. The last time that Marty & I communicated was on that same theme. She could not speak, but her eyes were bright. I said "Give your Mommy a hug for me when you get there. I'll be with you in two or three minutes, your time." After I spoke we hugged hard. She laid back down & even though she lived two more days, she never woke again. I believe there's a lot of truth in what I said. It's only to us humans here on Earth that time has length. To those in heaven, now is forever. So.... we must go on, go forward, use our time to honor God, to honor their memory, and to go forward.

I pass the words along that were told to me by a 94 year old fellow. It was 14 days after Marty died. He was a total stranger. but he as much as picked me out of a crowd to speak to me. He said "It's your JOB to replace grief with good memories." He was quite emphatic, saying that if we let grief stay with us forever, it will. He told me of two ways to start.... one is to write good memories down, be it on paper on in a computer file. It doesn't matter if it's once a day, once a week, or once a month.... when you write it down, you'll cry, guaranteed. But, as time goes on, and you re-read them, you won't cry as much. Eventually, you'll cry at writing a new one down, but maybe smile at one you wrote down at an earlier time. I did that for a while, but then just kept them in my head. What I did do, and still do, is when I visit the grave, I find a little stone, I set it on top of the gravestone, and as I do, I say a good memory out loud. Oh, yes, tears of course, for a long time, but now I can place a stone, say a memory & smile. Time does help. You'll find as time goes on, Old Man Grief can't hold on as tight. His grip slips and he fades away, but he never goes away. Every now & then he'll stop by to visit. He never asks permission. It can happen any time, any where. He just kicks the door in and shouts "Have a lousy day!" But, even at that, he loses strength. It comes a point that he can not say "Have a lousy day". He can only say "Have a lousy morning" because you'll get busy and time goes on. Then, he can only say "Have a lousy five minutes.". Sometimes it's only a matter of seconds. When Old man Grief stops by, just show him the list of good memories.... he's helpless against them!

Take care my friend, forward we go.

David, your story about the first visit to Naomi's family farm reminded me about a similar story that my grandfather used to tell. The first time he want to call on my grandmother at her family farm, he never made it past the huge bull that was chained up next to the driveway. My grandmother grew up on a farm located on a main road, and her dad kept that big bull out front to keep the bums away. I guess my grandfather had to wait until his future father-in-law moved the bull onto some fresh grass on the other side of the lawn before he could make it up the driveway. I wish I could ask him to tell me the story again, but we lost him at age 95 a few years ago. Tough as steel and quick with a smile, I sure miss him. He had to deal with the loss of my grandmother after nearly 60 years of marriage, so I'm sure you will find your path.

Thanks to all for sharing your thoughts, for caring enough to follow my journey of life that I shared with Naomi,my wife,my best friend,my helper,physically & emotionally. She was the one I could even share my thoughts with. Now I continue this journey alone,like a frightened little boy at times,yes, there are very good memories, but good memories do not meet all my needs.

Freddy, thanks for sharing your experience.

Rob, the rest of that following Naomi to her home story...
I pulled out of church ahead of her, I turned right at the T,she turned left,i did a quick u-turn & caught up to her. The 5 mile trip went faster as she figured she was being followed but she had no idea as to who was following her. She drove very fast on the county Dead End dirt road trying to get ahead. I hung back,not knowing if this dirt road was a road or farm lane. She got to her house & quickly ran into the house to watch as I drove past. I drove behind the barn thinking I would just keep going,only to find a fence in my way.I then turned around & drove out quickly by their house. She was not yet familiar with my car,but she was relieved when our first date revealed who's car had followed her

I do hope that you all will enjoy our less than perfect video,it was the best we could do under these difficult circumstances. We had offers from some who would have done it professionally for free, but we decided to do it ourselves & make it more personal. I think it was a good experience for Chad to put this together, although it was very difficult emotionally for him to complete.
This video contains many important memories that I have of her & our times together.