I'm back

I'm back

PostBy: blrman07 On: Mon Jan 09, 2017 8:43 am

Hello all. I have decided that as of today I will be regaining society. As most of you know my wife of 44 1/2 years died of liver cancer on Nov 27th. The outpouring of comments, sympathy and words of comfort from the people on this forum humbled me. This is truly a group of people who care. I went to Mississippi and spent 3 weeks with my "southern family." They helped me switch my sleep cycle back to my normal 7 unbroken hours. I had adapted to my wifes sleep cycle which was 2-3 hours awake and then 3 hours sleep around the clock.

I have contacted the Evangelical Free Church NE district and arranged to do some interim pastoring and will also do problem mediation for the churches in the district. I am not going to be doing as much property maintenance for landlords and will concentrate on finishing the projects around the house. I have to finish painting the upstairs bedroom, move the bedroom from the living room back to the bedroom, put the living furniture back, turn the dining room back into a dining room and then I can get back to the renovation of the bathroom upstairs.

My wife died on her terms. She stopped eating and drinking knowing what was going to happen. That caused severe arguments with the medical commuity but I fought to make sure she got her wishes. She wanted to "change addreses" as she put it on her terms rather than the cancers terms. She knew the pain and agony that was coming so she chose a natural death. Before she died she made me promise to take care of myself, take my meds, eat right and not hole up in the house. She made me promise to get back into ministry and when she was gone to not live alone.

SOOO I have signed up with two dating services and have gone on a couple of lunch/dinner dates. I am not looking to get married again at this time and just looking for someone who wants to go out to eat, take day trips, or just watch a movie. The response really suprised me regarding the number of women out there in my age range who have lost their husbands and not looking to remarry but just have some companionship.

However I have run into people including some in my own family, who say I didn't mourn long enough. I had a year to mourn her loss before she died. She went slowly and I mostly adjusted to it before she was gone. It's been 6 weeks since she died BUT its been over a year since she was diagnosed and given 6 months to a year. That was when my mourning started, not when she died. I lost almost all our friends when I stepped down from the pastorate on July 1, 2016. Now there is only one family locally that still stays in contact and returns phone calls.

So again, thank you for your outpouring of support. I had a wonderful "1st life" with Momma and now I look forward to having a great "second life."
blrman07
 
Hand Fed Coal Boiler: Bucket a Day
Hand Fed Coal Stove: Vigilant Casting 2310
Coal Size/Type: Pea/Nut/Wood in the VC and anything that will fit in the Bucket a Day. It's not fussy.


Re: I'm back

PostBy: freetown fred On: Mon Jan 09, 2017 8:59 am

Welcome home Padre. Outstanding to hear from you & your positive future plans. Be well my friend. It's your life, you're the only one that knows what feels right. One family that stays in touch is plenty in my world.
freetown fred
 
Hand Fed Coal Stove: HITZER 50-93
Coal Size/Type: BLASCHAK Nut/Stove mix

Re: I'm back

PostBy: samhill On: Mon Jan 09, 2017 9:21 am

Welcome back indeed, the loss of a life is a complicated thing & there is no set timeline, each creature finds it's own. Some that seem to have abandoned you may just be wrestling with their own thoughts & in many cases embarrassments of those varied treatments. I went thru the same with the passing of my previous wife & my S in L is going thru it now in spades but each have to & will find their own ways. I, like you looked for simply someone to help by spending time with & in the end found a wonderful newer wife that I never expected, one just never knows what will come. :)
samhill
 
Hot Air Coal Stoker Furnace: keystoker 160
Hand Fed Coal Stove: hitzer 75 in garage
Stove/Furnace Make: keystoker/hitzer
Stove/Furnace Model: koker 160/ hitzer 75

Re: I'm back

PostBy: kcarr On: Mon Jan 09, 2017 9:24 am

Larry,
Welcome home, it is great that you are back with us...
It is all one day at a time staying as active as you can and
to get out of the house once a day is a great start. That you are
going back into ministry is even better news... I have found helping
others is one of the best ways to help heal.
If you get stuck at the house for help while you
are resettling I'm glad to help.
I don't know why it is, but when I move furniture... everybody disappears!

Ken
kcarr
 
Stoker Coal Boiler: Van Wert VA-600 Custom & Probably the only guy in America with my Stoker Boiler in my Den.
Coal Size/Type: Rice
Other Heating: Oil as back up, mostly used for summer domestic hot water

Re: I'm back

PostBy: Sunny Boy On: Mon Jan 09, 2017 10:32 am

Welcome back Rev. You've been missed.

You've gone above and beyond,.. did everything needed and more than most,... and not just as a husband. So, you've got nothing to regret. Whatever family and former "friends" think of your moving on, it's your life to live, not theirs.

God bless you in your new life.

Paul
Sunny Boy
 
Hand Fed Coal Boiler: Anthracite Industrial, domestic hot water heater
Baseburners & Antiques: Glenwood range 208, # 6 base heater, 2 Modern Oak 118.
Coal Size/Type: Nuts !
Other Heating: Oil &electric plenum furnace

Re: I'm back

PostBy: CoalisCoolxWarm On: Mon Jan 09, 2017 10:46 am

Welcome back, Larry, and know your open example and sharing of your trials and tribulations are a good example for all of us.

Mourning is for two things. Show of respect for the passed, and opportunity to clear the minds of those remaining. Different speeds for everyone.

I wouldn't want my wife to wait very long after me. I believe by telling her that will make it easier to avoid any guilt or worries in that area. It sounds like your wife had a similar conversation with you. A real gift of love, IMHO.

I can't think of a better way to share your life and experiences than through a ministry of some sort. People are constantly wondering "why" or "how do I go on" or "nobody understands," which is where I believe anyone who has struggled with loss or other strife are in a unique position to guide others, while being fed and healed at the same time.

Who understands an addict's struggle better than someone who has walked that road? Who understands loss better than one who has stood alone and remained faithful? Who understands proper priorities better than one who has lost all?

Sometimes our trials aren't about us, they are for others around us and those whom we haven't yet met. Show them, Larry, how to "walk the walk, not just talk the talk." Trials we expected to break us purify our spirit, harden our resolve in the Master's plan.

Stand tall, Larry. Be confident as you share the Word. Who can understand more than one who has sent their most beloved ahead to wait in that place to which we aspire. This rock is just a stepping stone, a short blip in eternity. Helping others get a solid foothold is truly an honorable toil.

Please stick around here and share your experiences. We could use more examples of good men, doing good works.

May the Lord bless you and keep you as you begin this new and exciting journey!
CoalisCoolxWarm
 
Stoker Coal Boiler: Keystoker KA-6
Hand Fed Coal Furnace: old Sears rebuilt, bituminous- offline as of winter 2014
Coal Size/Type: Anthracite Buckwheat
Other Heating: Oil Boiler

Re: I'm back

PostBy: Wood'nCoal On: Mon Jan 09, 2017 10:57 am

Welcome back Larry, good to hear from you.
Wood'nCoal
 
Stoker Coal Boiler: 1959 EFM 350
Hand Fed Coal Stove: Harman Magnafire Mark I
Coal Size/Type: Rice and Chestnut
Other Heating: Fisher Fireplace Insert

Re: I'm back

PostBy: Den034071 On: Mon Jan 09, 2017 11:33 am

Larry I pretty much say again what Freetown fred has said .Each day I would look for a note to see if you were back home again .You have been really missed .Coaldale jack
Den034071
 
Hand Fed Coal Stove: Hitzer, 3095


Re: I'm back

PostBy: EarthWindandFire On: Mon Jan 09, 2017 11:48 am

Larry,

Your words provide strength to those that read them. I know it does for me.

Mark
EarthWindandFire
 
Hot Air Coal Stoker Furnace: Leisure Line Lil' Heater.
Other Heating: Oil Furnace and Kerosene Heaters.

Re: I'm back

PostBy: mkline On: Mon Jan 09, 2017 12:18 pm

Welcome back Larry :love: .


Mike
mkline
 
Hand Fed Coal Stove: Alaska Kodiak x 2...Old and New
Coal Size/Type: Nut and Stove/Anthracite

Re: I'm back

PostBy: windyhill4.2 On: Mon Jan 09, 2017 12:32 pm

Larry, I suppose it is a good thing that there are some guys like you who only want to "date" as i too have found that most women seem to want to just "date" with no further plan than that. I have found it nigh unto impossible to find a woman who is wanting to date with marriage as the goal. Enjoy your "dating",enjoy your new "work",welcome back & keep in touch. :)
windyhill4.2
 
Stoker Coal Boiler: 1960 EFM520 installed in truck box
Hand Fed Coal Stove: Crane 404 with variable blower
Coal Size/Type: 404-nut, 520 rice ,anthracite for both

Re: I'm back

PostBy: mooseman100 On: Mon Jan 09, 2017 1:11 pm

Great for you and awesome to hear how your wife chose to "change address" . Today folks hang on this life on earth too hard. It is refreshing to see somebody ready to meet the Lord on their own terms.
Eyes focused on Him and He will keep you in perfect peace
mooseman100
 
Stove/Furnace Model: EFM 520

Re: I'm back

PostBy: CoalisCoolxWarm On: Mon Jan 09, 2017 1:25 pm

mooseman100 wrote:Great for you and awesome to hear how your wife chose to "change address" . Today folks hang on this life on earth too hard. It is refreshing to see somebody ready to meet the Lord on their own terms.
Eyes focused on Him and He will keep you in perfect peace


Well said!
CoalisCoolxWarm
 
Stoker Coal Boiler: Keystoker KA-6
Hand Fed Coal Furnace: old Sears rebuilt, bituminous- offline as of winter 2014
Coal Size/Type: Anthracite Buckwheat
Other Heating: Oil Boiler

Re: I'm back

PostBy: Freddy On: Mon Jan 09, 2017 1:39 pm

Welcome back Larry, We are all here for you.

You've been through a lot, yet have a lot more to come. Embrace it & forward we go.
Freddy
 
Stoker Coal Boiler: Axeman Anderson 130 (pea)
Hot Air Coal Stoker Stove: Reading piece o' junk in the barn (rice)
Coal Size/Type: Pea size, Superior, deep mined

Re: I'm back

PostBy: warminmn On: Mon Jan 09, 2017 2:11 pm

Yes, you need to move forward, and at whatever speed works for you. Good to have you back :)
warminmn
 
Hand Fed Coal Stove: Chubby Junior, Efel Nestor Martin, Frankenstove
Coal Size/Type: nut and stove anthracite. Soft coal
Other Heating: wood