A New Element Was Discovered in Washington DC.

GOVERMENTIUM (GV)
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The heaviest element yet known to science has long been suspected but only recently been more fully theorized and evidenced.
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The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
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These 312 particles are held together by forces called mor-ons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
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Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.
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Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
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In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more mor-ons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
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This characteristic of mor-ons promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever mor-ons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.
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When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many mor-ons.
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Because of the newness of these technical understandings, Governmentium's mass measurement has not yet been tested to account for the effect of lobbytrons or taxions, without which, most authorities except Beardsley Ruml (creator of withholding tax and advocate of printing money to replace taxes), believe governmentium would rapidly decay into an unstable, metastable nucleon.

If it just wasn't so damn true!

Another good use for governmentium is to solve the energy crisis. All that hot air can be harnessed to heat a small city indefinately. It's too bad governmentium is too inefficient.