The Christmas party.. [humor]

The Christmas party.. [humor]

PostBy: LsFarm On: Sat Dec 20, 2008 5:37 pm

Posted: Tue Dec 16, 2008 9:42 pm Post subject: Evolution of the Christmas Party Announcement

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CHRISTMAS PARTY ANNOUNCEMENT

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 1, 2008

RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House.

There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along.

And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up as Santa Claus!

A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 p.m.. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees!

Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!

Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Patty

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FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 2, 2008

RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.

We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday,which often coincides with Christmas,though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party."

The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those still celebrating Reconciliation Day.

There will be no Christmas tree. No Christmas carols sung.

We will have other types of music. Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family.

Patty

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FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 3, 2008

RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore.

How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody?

Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy. NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

Patty

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FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees

RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours.

There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party- or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.

Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.

To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross-dressing allowed though. We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.

We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest for those people with high blood pressure to taste first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?

Patty

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FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F****** Employees
DATE: December 4, 2008

RE: The F****** Holiday Party

Vegetarian pricks, I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f****** salad bar,including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream.

I'm hearing them scream right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten holiday!

Drive drunk and die,

The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!

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FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: December 5, 2008

RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

Happy Holidays!

Joan


I thought this was hilarious.. and unfortunately too real.

Greg L
LsFarm
 
Stoker Coal Boiler: Axeman Anderson 260
Hand Fed Coal Boiler: Self-built 'Big Bertha' SS Boiler
Baseburners & Antiques: Keystone 11, Art Garland

Re: The Christmas party.. [humor]

PostBy: SMITTY On: Sat Dec 20, 2008 8:33 pm

That pretty much sums up the direction this country is heading socially :(

But it was still funny as hell! :funny:
SMITTY
 
Stoker Coal Boiler: Patriot Coal - custom built by Jim Dorsey
Hand Fed Coal Stove: Harman Mark III (not currently in use)
Coal Size/Type: Rice / Blaschak anthracite
Other Heating: Oil fired Burnham boiler

Re: The Christmas party.. [humor]

PostBy: stovepipemike On: Sat Dec 27, 2008 10:10 am

Here,here,I am now offended !! They did not mention that a state of the art vacumn cleaner [certified by O.S.H.A.and complete with qualified operator] is required at the door so the coal burners could get the ash and black dust off their sleeves and cuffs. It would be politically incorrect to offend anyone with a low threshold to coal dust or even worse those afflicted with the "flying ash syndrome". We have rights too,you know.
stovepipemike
 
Stove/Furnace Make: Keystoker
Stove/Furnace Model: KAA-2


Re: The Christmas party.. [humor]

PostBy: Duengeon master On: Sat Dec 27, 2008 10:49 am

I am offended that you even mentioned the "C" word. As a tree hugger, I can't believe that you contribute to global warming and carbon neutrality! However, I will be glad to sell you some carbon offsets then you can cleanse your soul and save mother earth. O.K. now lets all sit around and sing Kumbia and have a group hug!
Duengeon master
 
Hand Fed Coal Stove: Harmon Mark III
Coal Size/Type: Anthracite pea and nut mix. Bituminous lump