Why stop at universal health care? Let's give everyone free and unfettered rights to only the best in healthcare including in vitro fertilization, abortion, sex changes and re-changes, plastic and cosmetic surgery including breast aumentation and penile implants and tattoos, face peels, liposuction, mental health care, chiropractic, accupuncture, holistic care, massage therapy, spa treatments, personal saunas and hot tubs, and over the counter drugs and cosmetics. Since anyone making it across our borders is afforded the full protection of the constitution, they to are also granted all the rights and privileges of this universal health care just by being here.
Since food and a balanced diet is a part of good health care, all the foodstuffs that are unhealthy and burdening the system will be illegal or taxed heavily. Banned will be meats, saturated fats, processed grains, cane sugar, dyes and preservatives.
And bearing in mind that good mental and physical health is a product of exercise and self esteem, also provided, free of charge, will be fitness programs and classes in fashion coordinating. Since it will be a burden for everyone to keep up with the most current fashions, a generous stipend for clothing will be added to your monthly check. Perhaps, given the lack of hygiene and the poor fashion sense of so many of our citizens, the esteem of these folks may need a push. So for those folks the program will be mandatory.
Also critical to the health and well being of our citizenry is their interface with the environment. The proper management of exposure to the elements can affect such body functions as vitamin D productions, seratonin, endorphins and can also affect mental outlook, not to mention the drying effect of the sun on your skin and the risk of cancer from overexposure. In a effort to monitor and control these risks, all Americans will be entitled to affordable and tasteful housing. Programs will be developed to assess the personality and tastes as well as the health needs of each American with regard to their environmental interface and shelter arrangements. Appropriate measures for the selection of square footage and personalized decor will be enabled by a team of trained government workers to ensure both mental and physical health.
Anticipating unforeseen circumstances creating the need for future changes, all rights to manage and augment the aforementioned US Universal Health Maintenance Program will retained by the President of the US through Constitutional authority.
Then, and only then, will we be .............. free ?