I'm at the end of a long hot weekend at the river, one of them almost 90 degree Pennsylvanian weekends with like 6000000000% humidity. Shorts, sandals and nothing else wishing I could take that off. The usual routine on a Sunday was stick around until noon, maybe drink a few beers and head home. The beer was either out or I didn't feel like drinking which is a GOOD thing.
So I decide to take a jump in the river before heading home to cool off a bit, after getting out I realize my wallet was in my pocket.... or I should say had my wallet in pocket. I have been able to find things in the past that have fallen into the river but the problem is the water is usually hard to see through once it gets about 2 feet deep, you have to feel around and after about an hour of feeling around I came up empty and decided to give it up. Luckily for me I was still "poor" and only lost a few bucks, license and some other minor things. No big loss, just a big inconvenience.
I pack the canoe into the old green Ford, it's like 14 foot canoe so it's sticking out the back a considerable amount. Throw the 2 or 3 bags of empty beer cans in the canoe because it was my turn to take the crap home, also included was the usual suspects of various empty bottles of liquor. SoCo, JD, Tequlia etc. So I'm heading down RT.6 and get just by Rt. 87 and a Statey pulls up behind me. Not looking good but at least I wasn't drinking..... he eases into the passing lane as if he's going to pass and I think to myself "Yes!" BUT all he does is pull up alongside of me to look at canoe then gets back behind me. At this point I know I'm getting yanked which he does up around where "The Pink Apple" is.
Statey: Drivers License?
Me: Nope... I proceed to tell him what happened.
Statey: You lost your whole wallet?
I'm sure he has heard the same thing before and I know he's thinking this doesn't look right especially considering I have enough empty aluminum cans and bottles to start my own bottling factory.
Statey: Your Truck?
The truck at that point belonged to my Uncle. All this time my dog is sitting in the passenger seat giving the Statey a nice smile letting him know her feelings about getting pulled over. Very nice dog but instincts took over when she was in a confined space like that and would get very aggressive towards anyone trying to invade a space like that especially if I was there with her. So I get the Reg. and Isn. and go to hand it to him and she decides that hand coming in to window looks like nice tasty treat and lunges at it.... Fortunately I was able to grab her so that was one problem avoided, I'm sure he wouldn't have been happy if he was bleeding.
So he has Reg. and Ins., I give him my name rank and serial number and gives me the "I'll be right back".... He does his thing in the car, I think at that point they might have had computers as it was just recently they switched to computer licenses with photo so there is good chance he had my picture right there on the screen. In any event when he gets back he's apparently convinced I am who I same I am and have... or had valid license.
He ask me to step out of the truck... back to the canoe... arghhhh. He takes me around back and proceeds to explain you cannot have anything sticking out of a truck more than 2 feet and that includes if it has flag or not. I had no flag but this was big red Coleman canoe so not exactly hard to miss.
So against my better judgment I tell him I'll strap it to roof which is what I usually do but I didn't have enough sufficient straps which is why it wasn't there to begin with.
Statey: "You have enough straps?"
Me: "Oh yea, I have plenty. "
So out come the beer cans, and numerous bottles. Coleman canoes aren't exactly heavy but certainly awkward for one person. He sees me struggling with it and being the good officer he is decides to GIVE ME A HAND! Now keep in mind it's almost 90 out, middle of the afternoon. I'm only in shorts and was breaking a decent sweat messing with this thing. So we get the canoe up on the roof, I get the straps out and it's quite obvious this is not safe.
Statey in highly uncertain tone: "You think that's good enough?"
Me lying through my teeth: "Uh yea sure, I strap it up like that all the time."
I do have the intentions of getting off the roof ASAP as soon as he is not around. The Statey ponders it for while
Statey: "You can't leave that there like that, take it down."
proceed to take the canoe off and put it back where it was, back go the bottles and cans into the canoe. At this point the sweat is pouring down his face and he's turning a little red. He gives me the obligatory speech about safety and making sure I get a new license, he tells me if I get pulled over someone is going to give me ticket. Then he jumps in his car and takes off probably wishing he had just stayed in bed that morning. No ticket, no warning, no nothing.
You always hear the bad stories but I'll have to admit that was most reasonable officer of the law I ever had to deal with. Even if he wrote me ticket at that point I don't think I could have blamed him.